Saturday, December 5, 2015

Living

Ahoy, traveler, back so soon?

Sometimes I think I've stopped truly living. I look forward to where I am going in life, and I don't appreciate the little moments in life. The little moments that make life precious. I don't get that thrill of adrenaline, of truly living in the moments anymore. I used to, when I was younger, when I would climb the trees and run in the forests, when I would look for adventure behind every tree, every turn, every strand of grass.. I was happy. I was adventurous. I was full of life. Happiness was the sun on my skin, the words on paper, the ink in my hands, the scent of cookies in our house, the grass beneath my feet, the rushing of the river, the closing of my eyes while floating in the water and letting the waves carry me... Happiness was a piece of chocolate in my mouth, a fresh strawberry in the Summer. Happiness was every little moment that didn't bring tears to my eyes, that wasn't horrible.. But even in those little moments, those sad, terrifying, horrible moments? I lived. I truly felt something. I truly, honestly felt the feeling. The tears. The anger. The fear. I felt them with every cell in my body and every bit of my being. The only times I feel like that these days are with a book in my hand, with music in my ears, with a pen in my hands, with a guitar to play or with love. It's almost like I am afraid to live, afraid to love, afraid to feel.. Afraid to hope.

I forget to be thankful for what I have. There are these amazing people in my life and they want to spend time with me, some of them love me, some of them think I am fun, others think I am smart... These people appreciate me for who I am, for the things I can do, and the things I am good at. And I love them; They are family, friends, and love. And they are the people I enjoy spending time with, the people I feel like myself with, the people I can have peace with.. And I'd like so many million other people on this Earth, I have a roof above my head and the basic necessities; I can even write this entry on this PC. I have loving parents, siblings to quarrel with, friends to talk to, an instrument to play... I have a lot to be grateful for.

Have a lively week,
Stella

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