Saturday, April 11, 2015

Irritated over Communication(s)

Greetings, traveler.

Let me start off by saying that I don't mean that I don't like to communicate with people nor do I mean that saying "hello" to someone is a bad thing, but I'm typically not online when these communications happen or have specifically stated that I need to study or something in an earlier message and turned my phone off. Basically, I've said "see you later!" or "bye!" and they've read it as, "oh let me just continue sending messages to her even though she just told me she wasn't going to be available" or "she hasn't been online today yet and there needs to be a whole story waiting for her!"

I have had to tell a lot of people that I really don't have time to spare for reading walls of messages at the end of my day (nor do I wish to spend my evening like this!). I've also had to inform them that I don't appreciate them sending me a couple of hundred thousand messages and calling me a thousand times - I understand that they miss me or want to talk to me, but that should not remove my right to decide if I want to talk to them. Hell, it shouldn't remove my right to have a life outside these communications nor the right to not always be available. I've always felt like we spent too much time making sure we're available on the phone, on facebook, on twitter, on skype, on every stupid social media and communication outlet there is.

I hate it when I'm made feel like I have no choice but to be available, to talk to people I don't want to talk to. This type of communication exhausts me, and, quite frankly, makes me less likely to like talking with someone. But how do I communicate these thoughts without sounding extremely rude and unreasonable to them? Good question. I didn't know the answer and ended up hurting the feelings of a few people I actually typically like hanging out with, but I have goals that I'm working towards and I'd rather I be given a choice: Do I want to or do I not want to talk with this person? Do I have time for this? If not, I'll probably not respond the first time they say "hey", but should the answer be yes, there'll be an answer sometime that day or an apology for the late response or whatever. Unfortunately, in the cases that had me being rude with the demand of being left alone, the message wasn't just a hello nor did it happen once - It was closer to 10 messages a day, all awaiting response, and when I finally had the time to read these messages, I found the wall of text completely off-putting and really just didn't want to answer at all.

I understand that some of these people were just meaning to help me with the stress they thought I was under, but they managed to do quite the opposite which I had attempted to tell them in multiple little ways prior to the reaction perceived as rude. But apparently some of them didn't take well to me informing them that they were, in fact, stressing me out. I received a rather upset response from one of them, and I fully expect them to be extremely pissed off at me - It wouldn't matter whether or not I wanted to talk to them at this stage, because now they don't want to talk to me unless I apologize for not wanting their help with the stress they think I'm under from a thing that they have never gone through/wanting to talk with them - Look, I appreciate the want to help but.. these people are supposed to be my friends, they're supposed to know who I am and how I work; Hell, some of them have known me up to 10 years (that's half my life!) and should by now know that I have my own way of dealing with situations that stress me out and that I don't really like communication from sources I have not chosen to speak with in general, but especially when I'm under some sort of stress.

..or for that matter, that I'm generally rather private when it comes to the issues I am having and choose very carefully who I speak with when it comes to those problems. And yes, before you feel a need to ask, this has explicitly been stated during the course of the time we've all known each other.

I wonder if this kind of misunderstandings and weird communication mishaps have happened to others?

Have a lovely week,

Stella

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